During its 108 minute runtime, Eternal Sunshine asks no small number of existential questions, but the most relatable of them all may be one Joel asks after finding himself and Clementine, yet again, at a restaurant called Kang's: "Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?"

Unless you're a gifted conversationalist and/or freakishly extroverted, chances are you've experienced the death knell that is silence during a romantic meal. And the knell only intensifies with time. When your relationship reaches ripe old age, you start finding it difficult to even look your significant other in the eye while you eat.

But I'm here to say there's a better way to live, to raise your conversational corpses from the dead and never be that bored couple again. Normally I charge for information like this--just three payments of $89.99--but today my five easy steps are available for the low, low price of free.